Should we always be happy?

Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

For quite some time now, I have struggled with being able to deal with the emotion called sadness- I sincerely find it difficult to process that emotion. I wasn’t taught to. Not by those around me, and certainly not by society. Or perhaps I was taught. But what I was taught was to stop crying, was to not be sad, was to always be happy, was to always put on a smile, was to stop being such a baby about it, I am sure you can add to this list.

It feels as though we all have a list of things that are worth being sad or hurt about. But outside of that list, we think everyone else is just being a baby about something not too important. This mentality made me put down my emotions each time I was sad. I heard things like you should be grateful you are not like those other people who have it worse. This also made me feel I had no right to be sad when people around me were supposedly worse off.

When my partner lost his parents a few months back, then I saw how dysfunctional our model of sadness and happiness was. We had people who were scared of talking with him or acted awkwardly around him as though he had ceased to be a human by the loss he experienced. I was once there too. When I heard such events happened to people, I stayed away until I felt the person was out of sadness, not because I didn’t care but because I was clueless on what to do and how to respond to the person or what to say. I found sadness as an uncomfortable situation.

Now bringing it back to myself, I also used to stay away from sad people if I couldn't fix their problems. I found it hard to relate to what was going on in my body if I felt sad. It was more annoying and unacceptable that I couldn’t work with the same energy that I used to work with while I was happy. Instead of gentle acceptance and kindness to myself, I will distract myself with everything I can as a way of failing to acknowledge the emotion. I could eat, watch movies, visit friends, scroll social media, and stay on calls for hours just to make sure I am not left alone with my thoughts. But at the end of the day, I am still left to face my emotions.

I began to ask myself recently, what's it about us humans that we find it difficult to accept this other emotion that is so natural to life? Why are we so quick to want to get people out of a sad phase? Why do we find it so uncomfortable being around people who are sad?

I know there are times I have encouraged my friends to be happy, but there are also times I have sat with them in their sadness, which is rare for me with most people I come across. I just feel it’s okay to be sad sometimes. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable in that emotion. It’s okay to express how you feel in that emotion, even crying. And it’s also okay to get right back up and continue living once you feel better. In my opinion, we can't always be happy.

How do you think people should react to uncomfortable and distressing situations? Should they always keep up with the spirit of being happy? Should they accept the emotion as it is without attempting to change it? Do we equate being sad to loss of hope and faith? I will love to hear your thoughts on this.

                                ********

I was a bit touchy about writing this one, so I would put a disclaimer. Firstly, I am sharing my personal opinions and experiences. This is not a mental health guide for all situations. Secondly, if you find yourself sad to the point of depression, please seek the help of a therapist/counselor. Therapy is not a bad thing. Even if you are praying about it, you can still seek the help of a therapist while hoping for a sound mental health